Last August 6, Raniel and I had a fight. K. E. was involved in this fight. I got so jealous with her and what is going on between her and R. Although I know that there's no relationship between him and her, deep inside I know that he enjoys making friends with girls and he likes how is it being flirted by the girls. Okay so that didn't happen on August 6. I think that happened August 1? I don't remember anymore. August 6, around 12am, I cannot bear it living alone without him. I called him, and begged to come back and we become together again. He didn't want to. He said that we always say it's the last time but it never happened. And he said that was really the last time. I explained my part to him. And I said, it wasn't all my fault. He said he realized and knew that it wasn't all my fault but he said that he just really wanted us to break apart. He didn't want us to get into our relationship again. I cried really really hard because he is all I ever wanted. I loved him all my life and I never thought that living without him could be happening. I cried so hard and he heard it on the other line my crying. He said I should stop crying. He pitied me and decided to give me another chance. I stopped knowing that my love is there again for me. And our relationship will continue. But he said, this will be really the last chance. We both agreed that.
And starting that day, I changed for him. I changed everything that he doesn't like with me. I went to his house on Saturday, and on Tuesday he visited me at G.A. Then on Friday, we had a fight and although I was mad, I went to his house. I said that I will be helping him on his thesis. But we have to drink. I bought a The Bar for us to drink. All ended well when we departed ways. The next Friday, we had a fight again, but I told him to pick me up at Guilly's where my officemates and I partied. Then we went to his house again. I said all my sorry's and everything. We were happy that time. The next Saturday, I went to his house again and we just watched Kimmy Dora. I wake up very early that morning. Although I was still sleepy because I slept late that night. I brought pancake and marshmallows and nips so we could have a pancake celebration. But because I lacked time, we just watched Kimmy Dora. Then imagine all those that I did. Because Although I was very sleepy, I still have to go to office to work. Actually before our third week, R and I almost broke up again. I thought I was too tired and he said that he doesn't love me like before. He said that he might really be tired. I felt like I don't deserve it so I agreed to stop it now. Then he texted me and said sorry. He said that he will be changing so that we could live happily. I accepted it because I love him and that the truth is I can't live without him. Actually, I was counting the weeks that I was changing for him. I wrote him letters and thought of surprising him on our first monthsary. Well that just hurt, because our first month never came.
The next week on Wednesday, it happened. I was calling him because he hasn't gone to his house yet. But he wasn't answering my call. Then the next morning, I just received his text that's saying that he was eating yet. But he said that he was going home that time. And he said that he got home at 3pm? When he said that by 12am he is already going home. So how did it happen? I was really angry that time. I thought that he still hasn't changed. And our relationship, it's like I don't have a boyfriend. We know nothing about ourselves now. What we just know is that we are at office, house, condo, school etc. But we don't know anything about what's happening in our daily life. That is what I said to him when I felt like I want to break up with him. He just accepted it after a few explanations. He said that I should not go to the Christening of his nephew and niece. And so our Ocean Adventure was cancelled. That Saturday, I decided to come to the Christening. Just for respect to his family. But I was too turned off with him for not picking me up. He just said that he will be picking me up at the Araneta mall (which I don't know where). I was really really disappointed and turned off with him. Because if he really cared, he would pick me up on a place that I am familiar, right? Hay. That just shows how undeserving he is. I told him not to pick me, I can do it by myself because I was too mad at him. He is very not deserving of me! :(
Sunday night, I went to his house. I hope to get everything back. But he refused. I cried hardly that night I was with him. He even asked me what I wanted. I told him nothing. He said seriously, what do I really like. I said that I wanted to be with him. But I don't want him to do it just because he is pitying me. Everything was just so hard to accept. And on Monday, I went to him again. This time, although I cried so hard, he didn't take back what I said. I guess he's really ready to give up our relationship. That hurts so much.
What's hurting me right now is that he went to ocean adventure. That was supposed to be me he's going with. But now, he went there with his new friends. He said that they don't mean anything to him. He's not courting them, and he didn't like them. But I just hate the fact that he went to Ocean adventure with his friends. Oh g it hurts so much :( It was supposed to be me :( That was supposed to be us :( And I know he enjoyed that day with his friends. Omg, please just let things happen! oh please :(
All my friends and officemates, they're advising me to move on. Hay, I really don't know what to do. Right now, I'm waiting for the one month that we are talking about. I actually have plans in my head on what am I going to do on that day. Whether to beg, or to love myself. Please, let me know what's the right thing to do. :(
