I dreamt of. . .

This is weird. I had dreams, weird dreams. Just the other night I dreamt of him. The dream was a blur, the event was unclear as to what happened. But I just remember a scene from that dream that I was hugging him and crying. He was some sort of uttering lines from One More Chance, but not really. He said like maybe we are into our present relationships today because maybe it was planned. That we will learn from our present relationships. I was crying and hugging him tight but I disagree. In the first place, we should never get into another relationship if we are not both ready to get into another. Secondly, if it was true that he still loves me (as he said when we talked), he shouldn’t be engaged in a relationship right now. Now I see him a total jerk. Never could he fool me again.

After that crying scene of mine and crying out loud my heart about the disagreement.... BOOM! It ended. I woke up. It is just a little odd that the that the night of that very same day when I had the dream, my cousin told me about him being single. I don’t know why he has to tell me such things. I don’t want to know anything about him (‘ya heard?). She also told me something about his status of getting tired and pissed. I don’t know how to react. It’s their problem and I’m out of it.

Just this morning, I slept after attending the mass. It is so weird. I almost forgot what the dream was all about. But the thought of it goes this way. It was like a continuation of their story. Yes, on my dream they broke up. And he wanted her back. He went to the condominium where she is living. It was a blur. But I know he was sad not finding her there. He remembered some thoughts of her while seeing some things that are kinda related to her (This dream of mine was like a movie. I was watching him while doing all those). Then there she came. But wait, on my dream I was her. I can feel what she feels. I remember that in my dream I (in J’s personality and body) asked him, is there a chance that you and her (referring to me, the real me) be back together. Then he said, yes, not meaning it.

After that they were about to make that thing. That unthinkable thing, he unclothed his little thing. That was weird because it looks dry and flaky. Then he was forcing her to do that thing with him (for the last time? Or I do not know, maybe for as long as he liked to).

I don’t know why I have to see him in my dreams. :( I am moving on. Really. :( I shouldn’t stop seeing him. Even in my dreams.

This dream made me realize too what he was doing with me the time that we broke up. The same thing that I saw in my dreams. For the last times that we were together (even after we broke up), he was still using me. For his own fun and satisfaction. Sad but true, I loved him that much that I allowed him to do that. And now all of those are my biggest regrets. If only I can turn back time. . . :(

Pwede na ba ako sumuko?

Pagod na ako eh. Pagod na pagod na. Di ko na kaya. :( Ayoko na.

Some people

are just plain insensitive

Bakit?

Bakit walang nangyayari saking maganda? Bakit lahat ng tao kaaway ko? Bakit wala akong malapitan? Gusto ko na maglie low. Ayoko na.

Nakakainis

Bakit ba laging kontrabida?

Sa unang pagsabi pa lang sakin na hindi daw kami pinayagan alam ko ng may kampihang naganap.

1. Ate A - Nakakainis. Sya ang nagbalita saking di kami pinayagan
2. Lola A - Gatong.
3. Atty A - Ang may kapangyarihan
4. A - Ang dapat kasama

Dapat magbbike kami bukas. Activity ito para sa church na sinalihan namin. Nagbayad kami ng P150 each. Ako si A at Ate. Bale 450 ang binayad namin. Pero nagbayad kami para sa wala. Bakit? Ganito yun.
Umpisa pa lang, parang ako lang ang nagffollow up kay A na kuhanin ang jersey namin at ipaayos ang bike. Nasa Manila ako kaya hindi ko maasikaso ang mga ganung bagay. Wala. Parang wala lang sa kanya.
Usually Saturday ako umuuwi. Pero ngayon (Friday), pinilit kong umuwi dahil 6am bukas ang activity. Paguwi ko. Bandang 11:30pm na yun, sinabi sakin ni Ate A na hindi daw kami pinayagan. At dinamay pa si Lola A. Halatang may kampihan eh. At ang sinasabi pa si Atty A daw ang hindi pumayag. Duh!! Kung sya lang ang hindi pumayag at wala silang kinalaman dun, malamang edi sana pinagtanggol nila kami. At kung sya talaga ang may alam na ayaw nya kami payagan bakit biglan pati si Ate A alam na ganun ang desisyon? Halata naman eh. Pakana din nila na sabihin kay Atty A na wag kami payagan. Nakakapikon talaga. At ito namang si A, ano? Natakot na naman. Naging sunud sunuran na naman! Kaya ka walang lakas ng loob eh. Nagpapadala ka sa sasabihin nila. Diba sila din ang tumutol sayo sa pag-aaral mo sa Manila? O eh ano? Pinanghinaan ka ng loob? Wala ka sariling paa! Nakakainis! Magsama sama kayo.

Sana masaya kayo sa ginawa nyo.

Birthday

Thank You po para sa taong nagdaan. Ang taon na maraming pagsubok at kalungkutan. Gayunpaman, nagpapasalamat pa rin ako dahil sa nagdaang taon, napatunayan ko na ako pala ay malakas. May mga napag-alaman akong katangian na dati'y di ko inakalang magagawa o kakayanin ko.

Maraming salamat sa lahat ng bumuo ng taon ko. Mahal ko kayong lahat. Ang aking buhay ay di makukumpleto kung wala kayo.

Sana sa susunod pang taon na nakaabang, sana ay maging masaya ito. Isang buhay na payapa at kuntento. Yan lamang ang mahihiling ko.

Muli po, marami pong salamat sa pagkakataong ibinigay Ninyo sa akin.

Channing Tatum

Oh my. I think I just fall in love with him. Wanna watch Step Up. Okaaay. I know I am outdated. I know. Ok? Just shut up. Ha ha. Anyways, he is my current love. :)

10 Things

The 10 things I hate about you.

This has to STOP!

I can't stop downloading movies. Why am I so into this thing lately? Why?! Now's not the right time. OMG. :S STOOOOPPP!