Dream

Now I would like to believe that dreams are true. I don't know. As I was thinking this morning. I remember that I had a dream. I just do not know when was it, but it was like he and I are having conversation, a casual conversation. We are talking about our lives and how are we these days. In my dream it was just a friendly conversation, but deep inside I'm still hoping that it would be a good start again for us. Then as our conversation continues, he mentioned where he was on Nov. 1. He said that he was with J and his family on Undas. I don't know, maybe visited the province of J. That was when my heart stopped beating. I knew that what's happening isn't right. I finally decided to stop. I said that we should stop seeing each other, and stop everything. It isn't just right. Both for them and for me who's still hoping. Before we parted ways, I told him never to speak to me again and never run after me. Truly he did. I saw in my dreams that I wasn't looking at him while going different way. And he did the same way.

I kinda believe it's true. It is always what is happening. He never ran after me. Now I would like to convince myself that he never really loved me. He's just fooling me and playing on my feelings. What kind of jerk have I been in love with. :(

Now, upon seeing their photos with my naked eye, I feel like everything I dreamt of was true. Everything was true. And now I would like to believe that he really chose her over me. That's fine. I just hate him for ruining my life. I hope karma knocks on his door. He is a total jerk. :( After everything he said to me, he again proved me that he is a lie! This happened for the second time. The first was February, when he texted me all about his feelings. And then by March he already got a new girlfriend. Now it's happening again. After telling me he loves me, he still wasn't able to let the other go. A word is just word. And actions still speaks louder than words. Now, however I would like to believe that he said what he really felt, I consider it a lie. Seeing them together and happy is a strong proof.

And leaving me again falling on my knees, wounded, I hope this would make me a better person.

Working on forgiveness. I hope to have it soon.

And soon, I hope to have my very own too. I want to fall in love again.