Hello there. This is my first time to write here and actually this is my first blog ever. Well I guess what pushed me to do this is the hurt I have inside. 1 year and 3 months is not a joke. I can say that those times may be the happiest days of my life. I felt loved. And that's the first time in my life I knew I was in love.
Ughhh.. writing the statements above makes me cry. Why? because I think those days of happiness are over. Those times I was with you, I know that there were a lot of changes in my life. I'm not the childish girl I used to be. And that's all because of you. I learned a lot from you and how to handle relationship. Slowly, I learned and accepted that no relationship is perfect and so do I accepted our relationship's imperfection. However there are some things that are really unbearable.
I love you so much and I know you know that I do, I really do. But hey, you have to be insensitive. You know I'm a girl, I might have said that receiving flowers is baduy but you know, I never experienced that in all those years we've been together. Haay. I'm just wondering, how does it feel kaya? hay. That's actually not the point. What I just wanted you to do is make me feel that I am special, that I am different from the other girls you know. Sometimes, I envy my friends because their bf's are kinda baduy. hey, hear me. I wanted you to be like that too.. kahit konti lang.. kahit minsan lang.. :(
Would you actually believe that he never asked me on a date all those times we've been together? But don't get him wrong. I appreciate him anyway for the person he is. I know that he never cheated on me. He's always the quiet type of person who accepted me for being a nagger. My friends liked him. They say he seemed to be nice and quiet, like I was the more boyish one in our relationship. Haaayy.. So back to what I said, yes, he never asked me on a date before. Nope, I'm not a material girl. Actually, I love it when we stay at our dorm up until 10pm? Yes, he usually stayed until those late evenings just to be with me. But that's all, I just wanted to go out, so we can have more quality time together and for us to enjoy our youth also. I don't wish him to treat me always. I have a money of my own. Ok lang naman kung kkb. It doesn't matter to me anyway. What I just wanted is to have quality time with him. And hello? I feel different. I have never experienced dating with my boyfriend. haay.. :(
You know, we had a little fight just a simple misunderstanding. June 1, that was the date. I waited for him. I waited for him to accept his mistakes and humbly come to me. But he never did. He always thinks I'm the one always wrong. He never admitted his mistakes. Never. And you know what made me cry for almost 3 hours? When he mistakenly sent his text message to me who was supposed to be for "ses". I know that girl. That girl is his friend he knew from his P.E. class. He told me she is pretty. Needless to say, I know she is attractive and I know that he is attracted to her. He may not have the romantic feelings for her but still, as a girlfriend, I feel jealous to her whom is attractive. I admit I'm not pretty, I just pretend that I am, for me not to feel inferiority. But I know, compare to "ses" I'm nothing. I know. I admit it. Well, back to the issue, I received the text that he was supposed to send to "ses". I was hurt a lot.. I cried a lot. I hardly can sleep that night. It feels like hell. Actually, the text only said, "ses,this is ____ I don't have enough load to text you" That's it. But I felt a strong jealousy with that text. It was 12pm when I received the text. And I know him, he usually sleeps early. And he would never waste a single time of him to text someone not worth his time. But ses? he texted her late that night. Imagine, he stayed up late because they are texting? And I know it's not normal for him to do that so for a girl. That is when I felt that she must be someone special for him.. *tears* haaay.. while writing that sentence, the tears can't help but pour. That made me realize that I'm not the girl he loves anymore. He said that she is no special. I don't know, but I just feel that there is something special. I guess soon, it will be more noticeable.
Hay.. I wish, if ever that time comes, I have already moved on. So that I won't feel the hurt anymore. But I know I can't. I can hardly move on. He is my first love. And I don't easily fall in love. At my age of 19, he is my first boyfriend.
Hey you, I LOVE YOU more than what you think. But I just have to let you go.
Good luck.. :(